Pista wrote:Pretty sure F.U.C.T. will have some input at some stage.
Well they would, were it not for the Tea n'Toast Treaty of 1597 which brought to an end more than 200 years of religious genocide between FUCT and FuCT (Freiheit fÃ¼r unser Charred Toast) over whose doctrine held sway in the kitchens of christendom. The treaty provides demarcation in order to keep the peace - FUCT rules over the kettle (electric and stove-top, incidentally), teapot, mugs, cups, tea (loose and bag), teaspoons, and issues fatwas governing the correct sequence of the tea-making process. FuCT's dominion extends to all bread and bread-related products (teacakes, scones, pikelets, muffins, crumpets, farls etc.) regardless of whether these are of the traditional wheat flour type or not, sideplates, knives, spreads (jams, curds, marmites, butters, marmalades), and in some cases clotted creams) and the correct order of application of same to the bread.
You will need to refer to FuCT edict 52-58935 to determine whether your toast-making contravenes scripture, but speaking for myself it's a 3 if you're making a club-type sammidge and 4 when you're going for toast and spread. I honestly don't know what the FUCT a 6 is - presumably this is only for when the bread has died and you're cremating it? And the only suitable conveyance for bacon (and indeed sausage) is the cheapest white bread available, untoasted - why? Because untoasted bread will absorb the fat from the bacon/sossidge, while toast will not, resulting in the grease dripping down your shirt. Simples.