Worst Christmas Gifts

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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boudicca
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Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
Obviousman wrote:One of the worst things ever given to me was a projection clock, with big clear orange letters for the time on it, and it projected the same... If there's one thing I can't stand when I'm trying to sleep it's anything that makes light :urff: :lol: (plus it was oversized and nearly took all of my bed-side table :roll: )
But it was orange - I would have thought you would have loved it! :wink:
Give it to Debaser. Or Planet Dave. ;D
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Brideoffrankenstein
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boudicca wrote:
Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
Obviousman wrote:One of the worst things ever given to me was a projection clock, with big clear orange letters for the time on it, and it projected the same... If there's one thing I can't stand when I'm trying to sleep it's anything that makes light :urff: :lol: (plus it was oversized and nearly took all of my bed-side table :roll: )
But it was orange - I would have thought you would have loved it! :wink:
Give it to Debaser. Or Planet Dave. ;D
I was sure that Obviousman liked orange as well you know....
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eastmidswhizzkid
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brown ankle socks with tasmanian devil motif and matching boxers....now that's what i call music eleventy-twelve....soft metal ("...it ain't heavy...")....beige lambswool jumpers from m&s.......wh smiths vouchers,every year for twenty years- what the f**k do wh smiths sell that you can't get cheaper elsewhere?

and of course slippers are always an utter treat -especially if they're comedy fluffy-bunny slippers. :urff: :urff: :urff:
"Well I was handsome and I was strong
And I knerw the words to every song.
'Did my singing please you?'
'No! the words you sang were wrong' "

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boudicca
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eastmidswhizzkid wrote:beige lambswool jumpers from m&s
You receiving those is such a lovely mental image... :lol:
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Andie
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i think my familly have learned that i only accept music tokens for christmas...doesn't matter if it's HMV or Virgin...as soon as the sale kicks in...


clothes have been tried and failed...if it ain't black (and generally they don't have a clue what size i am so they tend to go with what they know)...it goes back

altho i do have a lovely line of black "Tigger" socks that i've kept...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
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scotty
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boudicca wrote:
eastmidswhizzkid wrote:beige lambswool jumpers from m&s
You receiving those is such a lovely mental image... :lol:
What with the slippers, all he needs now is the pipe (which I can't help thinking would be misused :innocent: :kiss:
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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eastmidswhizzkid
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bong and slippers doesn't have the same effect really does it? :lol:
"Well I was handsome and I was strong
And I knerw the words to every song.
'Did my singing please you?'
'No! the words you sang were wrong' "

SISTERS FOREVER, FOREVER SISTERS
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Obviousman
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Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
boudicca wrote:
Brideoffrankenstein wrote: But it was orange - I would have thought you would have loved it! :wink:
Give it to Debaser. Or Planet Dave. ;D
I was sure that Obviousman liked orange as well you know....
I do like orange, but not when it's lighting up right next to where my head is as I'm trying to catch a sleep :evil: :lol:

Anyway, passed it on to my parents, who made it even more annoying by only setting the projected time and not the time on the machine itself, which makes it blink constantly :urff:
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Mrs. Snowey
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eastmidswhizzkid wrote:bong and slippers doesn't have the same effect really does it? :lol:
Perry Comatose :lol:
Why do keyboards get so dirty?
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eastmidswhizzkid
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Mrs. Snowey wrote:
eastmidswhizzkid wrote:bong and slippers doesn't have the same effect really does it? :lol:
Perry Comatose :lol:
very good, mrs s :lol:
(i feel very annoyed that i didn't meet you and your husband at black oktober thus entitling myself to further displays of in-crowd-ness by calling you Heather and errrm....snowey. :lol: )
"Well I was handsome and I was strong
And I knerw the words to every song.
'Did my singing please you?'
'No! the words you sang were wrong' "

SISTERS FOREVER, FOREVER SISTERS
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Andrew S
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Not strictly relevant to this thread because a) it was by birthday and not Christmas, and b) it wasn't actually mine - much to my great relief! A parcel had arrived in the post on the morning of my 30th birthday, and because of the date, I didn't bother checking the address. I then took the parcel to my sister's house where I was having a party, and opened it in front of every female member of my family. Inside was:

1 latex mask
1 pair of cheap red crotchless knickers
1 female domination kit
1 other piece of cheap, ineffective tat (can't remember what)
and
1 Magic Moments catalogue

It was only then that a friend informed me that the parcel belonged to my next door neighbour. He'd noticed before I opened it but he was curious to find out what was inside so he let me go ahead. :lol: To add to the ensuing uproar, my 11-year-old nephew had got hold of the latex mask and tried it on. :notworthy: I couldn't face delivering the opened parcel to my neighbour so I taped it shut and reposted in a postbox far away from our street. And I thought stuff like that only ever happened in comedies. :lol:
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andymackem
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This year could be a vintage tat harvest for me: since I really can't think of anything that I want (not which could be viably purchased, wrapped and put under a tree, anyway) it all hinges on whether the family cheque will be larger or smaller than the (frankly unnecessary) amount I've already spent on gifts for my family.

This I don't mind, but it is a bit frustrating when you realise that no-one else in my family particularly wants anything either. The only people profitting from this are the post office and a few shops. It's an utter fiasco. I'm seriously considering refusing to give or accept christmas gifts in future. I could use the same money so much more effectively in the sales, and the birth of the son of a god I don't believe in just isn't all that significant to me.
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snowey
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eastmidswhizzkid wrote:
Mrs. Snowey wrote:
eastmidswhizzkid wrote:bong and slippers doesn't have the same effect really does it? :lol:
Perry Comatose :lol:
very good, mrs s :lol:
(i feel very annoyed that i didn't meet you and your husband at black oktober thus entitling myself to further displays of in-crowd-ness by calling you Heather and errrm....snowey. :lol: )
Less of the "Husband" part, please......(anyone would think we were married :eek: )
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boudicca
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Andrew S wrote:Not strictly relevant to this thread because a) it was by birthday and not Christmas, and b) it wasn't actually mine - much to my great relief! A parcel had arrived in the post on the morning of my 30th birthday, and because of the date, I didn't bother checking the address. I then took the parcel to my sister's house where I was having a party, and opened it in front of every female member of my family. Inside was:

1 latex mask
1 pair of cheap red crotchless knickers
1 female domination kit
1 other piece of cheap, ineffective tat (can't remember what)
and
1 Magic Moments catalogue

It was only then that a friend informed me that the parcel belonged to my next door neighbour. He'd noticed before I opened it but he was curious to find out what was inside so he let me go ahead. :lol: To add to the ensuing uproar, my 11-year-old nephew had got hold of the latex mask and tried it on. :notworthy: I couldn't face delivering the opened parcel to my neighbour so I taped it shut and reposted in a postbox far away from our street. And I thought stuff like that only ever happened in comedies. :lol:
:lol: That's priceless! I'd have gone straight next door with the parcel though... :twisted:
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Obviousman
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boudicca wrote:
Andrew S wrote:Not strictly relevant to this thread because a) it was by birthday and not Christmas, and b) it wasn't actually mine - much to my great relief! A parcel had arrived in the post on the morning of my 30th birthday, and because of the date, I didn't bother checking the address. I then took the parcel to my sister's house where I was having a party, and opened it in front of every female member of my family. Inside was:

1 latex mask
1 pair of cheap red crotchless knickers
1 female domination kit
1 other piece of cheap, ineffective tat (can't remember what)
and
1 Magic Moments catalogue

It was only then that a friend informed me that the parcel belonged to my next door neighbour. He'd noticed before I opened it but he was curious to find out what was inside so he let me go ahead. :lol: To add to the ensuing uproar, my 11-year-old nephew had got hold of the latex mask and tried it on. :notworthy: I couldn't face delivering the opened parcel to my neighbour so I taped it shut and reposted in a postbox far away from our street. And I thought stuff like that only ever happened in comedies. :lol:
:lol: That's priceless! I'd have gone straight next door with the parcel though... :twisted:
Priceless indeed :lol: :notworthy: :lol:

And why didn't you just let the nephew have the mask to play with, guess you could have had quite a laugh :lol: :lol: :lol: (of course if the parents wouldn't want to kill you then, or perhaps even more then ;D )
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straylight
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Andrew S wrote:Not strictly relevant to this thread because a) it was by birthday and not Christmas, and b) it wasn't actually mine - much to my great relief! A parcel had arrived in the post on the morning of my 30th birthday, and because of the date, I didn't bother checking the address. I then took the parcel to my sister's house where I was having a party, and opened it in front of every female member of my family. Inside was:

1 latex mask
1 pair of cheap red crotchless knickers
1 female domination kit
1 other piece of cheap, ineffective tat (can't remember what)
and
1 Magic Moments catalogue

It was only then that a friend informed me that the parcel belonged to my next door neighbour. He'd noticed before I opened it but he was curious to find out what was inside so he let me go ahead. :lol: To add to the ensuing uproar, my 11-year-old nephew had got hold of the latex mask and tried it on. :notworthy: I couldn't face delivering the opened parcel to my neighbour so I taped it shut and reposted in a postbox far away from our street. And I thought stuff like that only ever happened in comedies. :lol:
This is priceless, top stuff. I would have taken it next door with a big grin.
But are there such things as classy red crotchless knickers?
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scotty
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Andrew S wrote: A parcel had arrived in the post
That makes a change :innocent: :twisted:
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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Delilah wrote:
Lynchfanatic wrote: way up north norway)
Trondheim?Lofoten? I wanna move there! Or to Sweden. Still cannot decide ;-)
They live in Aldersundet which is in Helgeland, one hour from Mo I Rana. So further north than Trondheim.

No no no, I beg you on my knees, for your own sake, move to sweden. I would chose sweden, a year here and you would too :wink: It is currently -12 degrees celcius btw... :urff:
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Andrew S
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scotty wrote:
Andrew S wrote: A parcel had arrived in the post
That makes a change :innocent: :twisted:
Well it was technically hand-delivered, as the postman personally handed it to me, so at least I knew who was to blame for this dreadful mix-up. :lol:
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Andrew S
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straylight wrote: This is priceless, top stuff. I would have taken it next door with a big grin.
I didn't know the neighbour in question, xo I didn't know how violently he might have reacted to my uncontrollable laughter. There have been at least 2 murders on my block since I've stayed here so I like to live a quiet life!
straylight wrote: But are there such things as classy red crotchless knickers?
No but I imagine there would be some variation in the quality of material. And quality, these were not. :lol:
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I honestly can't say I've ever had a bad Christmas present.
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Obviousman
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Andrew S wrote:
straylight wrote: This is priceless, top stuff. I would have taken it next door with a big grin.
I didn't know the neighbour in question, xo I didn't know how violently he might have reacted to my uncontrollable laughter. There have been at least 2 murders on my block since I've stayed here so I like to live a quiet life!
The Latex Mask Serial Killer? :innocent: :lol:
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