Lawyer Needed

[CorpPunk]

Yes I am! You stay outta this!

[Johnny M]

I'm sure Black Alice will know the legal jargonese but I make that:

1. Making threats on a public forum.
2. Attempting to procure others to make threats on a public forum.
3. Being ageist.
4. Being mad as toast.

I think once BA has finished with you, you will be toast. Quite literally.

Nutter.

[CorpPunk]

I wouldn't mind. I like toast--it's warm, and tastes nice, and doesn't have to work for a living. I think I would be a quite successful piece of toast, if a little overqualified.

[Quiff Boy]

@ corpy: are you black horizon in disguise?

[CorpPunk]

@ corpy: are you black horizon in disguise?

Oh, that was a low blow, boss. I am wounded to the core.

And besides, whereas BH was creepy and juvenile, I like to think I'm more "creepily charming."

[Francis]

A Margarita, ma'am?

[CorpPunk]

I could use a drink...

[Master Margarita]

Measurements you know.
I have youth and vigour still.
But no new Porsche.

Injunctive relief.
Ex parte seems straight forward.
Inter partes Hell.

[CorpPunk]

I dunno. You're getting on a bit--have you noticed any grey chest hairs lately?

"Injunctive relief." They've got creams for that, you know.

[Master Margarita]

Don't know. The nice ladies at Bliss didn't say anything last time they waxed my chest, but then again they were a little tongue tied.

They have creams for most things. I have cream for one thing.

Strawberries. Whipped hard.

So do you want this advice or not CP? I'm pretty cheap on most things, but not legal services.

[CorpPunk]

You're a diet Coke drinker, aren't you?!

I am but a poor editor and cannot afford advice from lawyers who know what they're doing. But alas! I have a tactic for attracting a more "common" breed of legal mind:

"Help! I've broken my leg! On someone else's property!"

Anyway, I don't need advice. I just want someone to make fun of old people with me. That's what I call pro bono.

[Master Margarita]

OK. I'm off then.

You're still the cleverest and funniest girl on this forum.

Transitory love

Nicky G

[CorpPunk]

You're still the creepily charmingest girl on this forum.

Ah. Someone gets it...

[paint it black]

You're still the creepily charmingest girl on this forum.

Ah. Someone gets it...

so this thread was purely to get MM out of the woodwork and toadying to you.

what a load of bollocks. i'm sueing for lost life! and yes, i do have a lawyer in mrs PIB

[Black Biscuit]

Dunno exactly what your problem is, but I hope it isn't a serious legal problem based on the sort of replies you've elicited so far!

As for lawyers, I'll tell you a little bit about the lawyer down the street. He always looks very pleased with himself, is a real flash dresser (loud pinstripe suits), has a year-round perfect tan and seems to like a fresh perm, as well. Pretentious poof, if you ask me.

I'm no lawyer but I do know that these guys are a bunch of actors.

I also suspect that law is an occupation based on the half-truth.

A couple of years back, a local working girl around here (a heroin addict) was strangled and dumped in a back alley. You could just picture the defence lawyers coming up with some story that "the girl was a hopeless junkie who would've died anyway" to get the murderer off the hook.

As for the slick lawyer down the road, a while back he was defending a man caught with two million dollars in his briefcase. The lawyer's reply when questioned why the businesman was carrying so much money (in cash) was a casual "well, who doesn't?!?", as if it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Yeah right, of course it wasn't, you dropkick. Feck off!

Any lawyers here, please feel free to reply to my post.

[Candover Premiere]

Hey, Black Biscuit.

Great post.

Have you thought of writing for the mail?

They're also good on sweeping generalisations which have no resemblance to the truth.

Stay half-baked

CP

PS Great name.

[James Blast]

guess who's back?
back again...

[Black Biscuit]

Hey, Black Biscuit.

Great post.

Have you thought of writing for the mail?

They're also good on sweeping generalisations which have no resemblance to the truth.

Stay half-baked

CP

PS Great name.

--- Gee, thanks. What are you, a lawyer or a journo? In fact, I have authored several books (and thousands of magazines articles) and accepted an offer yesterday to do two more.

Oh, and WTF is 'the mail'? I (forgive me) assume you mean The Mail, which would be a newspaper.

Wordsmith, are you talking about "resemblance of the truth" or semblance of truth, genius?

As for your "sweeping generalizations (I use US spellings) which have no resemblance to the truth", ever known any lawyers to be routinely guilty of this - like the guy who purports to think nothing unusual of people carrying around a mere two million in cash? Yeah, happens all the time. I mean, everyone does it, right?

Learn some grammar. Those one sentence paragraphs are a nice touch, but you've yet to discover the full stop.

Yeah, BB is a great name, too, and is derived from the game of hockey, so puck off, ice hole!

[markfiend]

Yeah, BB is a great name, too, and is derived from the game of hockey, so puck off, ice hole!

Call me thick if you like but that had never occurred to me despite your hockey-player avatar and the fact you've mentioned hockey on more than one occasion.

You learn something every day

[Candover Premiere]

What are you, a lawyer or a journo?

Soggy- you don't mind if I call you that do you?- I am neither fish nor flesh. In fact I'm entirely make believe. And make believe dead at that too (see below). Confusing isn't it, hob nob?

So, 100 again, and time for Candover Premiere, Candy to his favourite sinful sister, to declare his innings at the magic number.

A confused child of even more confused parentage, Handover was conceived at a time when all on the forum lived in fear of the mighty apostrophe. This did not bode well for Handover, who, coming from Belgium, was perhaps less well versed in the basics of English grammar than some of the other posters on heartland.

However, Candovery was a fast learner, and quickly learnt the linguistic errors in phrases such as "balls of a dog" and "A woman can be beautiful but she is much more beautiful if you meat her talk to her and find that you like what you meat", culminating in a heartwarming and touching tribute to the newly bowdlerized James D Ritchie the Third and the girl with the trellis dress to the tune of My Way.

In musical tastes, Handy Candy pushed the cause of Crowded House with little success on the forum, but met with a warmer reception when he revealed, in his mid twenties (posts), that he owned a rose of avalanche and new model army album. Some say that this good work was undone when he mixed the lyrics of 225 with those of insania, a song by another rock icon of our age. As a consequence, Carrie Poppins vowed never to listen to Thunder and Consolation again.

In his spare time, Legover could often been found dining at the table of his Belgian friend and heartland masterchef, Randdebiel. There eating belgian frites (which languish somewhere between the fat, but smugly self-assured, english chip and the thin, flakey french fry) and supping a Maes Pils poured by Red Sunsets he would regale the assorted crowd with stories of his latest adventures with his constant companion, Dyson DC07, the prime hoover.

In his later years (posts) Candy Pandy contented himself with enquiry as to the nature of the darkness, reminiscing over great 20th century authors with Ms Strange (Enid Blyton, Claudine at St Clares), speculating over the behaviour of baboons in the dark (a sadly underrated post, one of his finest) and seeing how many times he could get Black Horizon to call him a crazy b*stard (only twice).

Lips sealed to the last, Candover Premiere leaves few in mourning at his departure, save the private equity house whose name he took and the beautiful corporate punk whose initials he stole together with a few precious moments in another world.

As foretold in an earlier post, his much anticipated death came from the great blackberry in the sky, which will be coming to get all of you in time. And then you will never be free again.

http://www.blackberry.com/

Goodbye.

.

PS- Puck off, ice hole?! That's not very nice is it? Shame on you, Soggy.

[Black Biscuit]

Long legs help me go fast up and down the wing, but wingers get knocked into the boards more than other players. Funnily enough, the coach wants me to switch to the more aggressive 'D' (defense) position. Wonder why? http://www.eastsideteamsports.com/hockey/h550.htm

Tim Sinister may prefer this link.... I seem to recall the first post that I ever read was TS (?) looking for retro CCCP t-shirts or something. I thought of this link straight away but couldn't be assed posting the details at the time: http://www.hockeyjerseysdirect.com/hjd/russian.asp

[Black Biscuit]

Your writing style is at times grandiose and pretentious, at times immature - and generally overly 'wordy'.

[timsinister]

I'd prefer not to become embroiled in what is developing here, thanks all the same.
But cheers for the link.

[Black Biscuit]

Okay. Over and Out.

[CorpPunk]

There is no reason to take a light-hearted thread and turn it into a self-righteous slagfest, although that does seem to be the pattern developing around here. Why do I even f**king bother?