Nikolas Vitus Lagartija wrote:Fascinating insight into the current live set up and the very non-punk revelation that
employs a cleaner!
And I think the truth can now finally be told...
SCENE: INT dwelling in undisclosed European location. Curtains half-drawn to reveal apocalyptic scene - half-empty coffee cups with fag ends in them, beer cans litter every available surface, overflowing ashtrays on coffee table and bookshelves, battered acoustic guitar on sofa; also on sofa what appears to be a sleeping body covered by an old candlewick bedspread. Cat asleep on body.
FX: Doorbell
Body on sofa grumbles and stirs.
FX: Doorbell, continuous and insistent
Body rises from sofa, revealing VON. Cat grudgingly jumps onto floor and tiptoes through the detritus heading towards the kitchen. VON picks up a succession of cigarette packets on the coffee table, shaking them; finds one that is not empty, removes cigarette, puts in mouth, and lights.
VON stands - he is wearing baggy, stained, once-white Y-fronts, a single blue sock, and a faded t-shirt proclaiming "Aqua World Tour 1997".
FX: Doorbell
VON coughs, disturbing the depths of 35 years of catarrh. Shuffles towards door.
CAM: Pan to follow VON through door; Steadicam down hallway to front door.
VON opens front door. Standing on doorstep is GLADYS from No. 37. She is carrying a bucket containing marigolds, scrubbing brush, furniture polish, and a roll of bin bags. She is wearing a housecoat under an apron. Her hair is done up in a duster.
GLADYS: Ooh, good morning, Mr. E – I’ve been ringin’ that doorbell for ages, I thought you must of gone out. Let us in, ducks – it’s perishin’ out ‘ere.
VON: Morning, Glad – sorry about that, we had a bit of a party last night, I’m afraid we made a bit of a mess.
GLADYS: Oh, you international rock stars with your wild parties. Whatever will I do with you?
GLADYS chucks VON under the chin
GLADYS: Now, you go put some clothes on – whatever will the neighbours think, and me married to my Dennis these 63 years come November. I’ll pop the kettle on and make a start.
GLADYS enters and walks down hallway; VON goes upstairs.
CAM: Steadicam follows GLADYS to living room, where she surveys the carnage.
GLADYS: [mutters] Well this is a right old to-do and no mistake. Best get started.
GLADYS pulls out binbag and start emptying ashtrays into to, collecting beer cans, etc. Goes to window and pulls curtains back. On a table under the window is a pile of papers, pizza boxes, empty DVD cases, and various papers. GLADYS puts the DVD cases to one side and collects the rubbish. Picks up note pad, reads.
GLADYS: What’s this? “Final details and tracklist for new album�? Who’s Chris Catalyst when he’s at home? “Robochrist�? Well, I don’t like the sound of that, I don’t think our lord and savior would be very flattered. Such nonsense. And no, I don’t believe for a second that’s he’s slept with all the girls in Berlin – Barnsley, maybe, if Mrs. Dawson’s youngest lass is to be believed. [sigh] I don’t know, these boys and their foolish fancies.
GLADYS puts notepad into binbag and continues to collect rubbish, dusting and wiping as she goes.
[fade to black]
... anyway, The Quietus is mostly a good read ...